Monday, May 4, 2009

Big Z, out for at least 2 starts

Apparently Z has a "Grade 2 tear in the belly of [his hamstring]" caused when he tried to move his other belly up the first base line to leg out a bunt against the the Marlins Sunday.

And I say, good for him! So he got hurt running. Apparently our marquee players can't run to first base (or third base, Milton) without pulling something, but at least they were trying.

Instead, let's take a long hard look at the Cubs' trainers and how they get the team ready for games and assess injuries. For pete's sake, the head trainer went out to talk to Z after Zambrano told 1st base coach Sinatro that he tweaked something. Good. But then the trainer let Z talk him into leaving him in there. Sweet Lou had to come out and order him into the dugout. Now Z is out for 2 weeks or more. Can you imagine if he would've ran after that? Goodbye June.

Let's get some trainers in there that can prevent silly injuries or at least recognize them.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Fukudome's Real Uniform

Reason 10 Why We'll Never Win
Apparently Fukudome HAS been on his game this whole time. All those majestic pirouettes at the plate. Technically flawless spins, effortlessly executed at the very front of the batters box while hard objects whiz by at 80 mph. That would be like asking Mikhail Baryshnikov to execute a perfect routine on sand while an angry crowd throws vodka bottles at him.

And yet pitch after pitch Kosuke stood in there and spun and spun until we were all dizzy, no doubt aided by what he wore underneath the pinstripes and road greys and what was cut up and glued into 100 Ultimate Collection Rookie Jersey Cards.

A pink tutu. Outstanding. No wonder Lou played him in Game 1 and 2 against the Dodgers. Who would wait till December when you could see The Nutcraker in October?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Goat, 1 Billion Chickens Unite to Curse Cubs

Reason Why We'll Never Win
It's pretty bad when a statue associated with losing and fried chicken is pulled out of a river half the world away and the first thing those foreigners think of is "Hey, Give it to the Cubs!"

Even worse is having PETA - those fine folks who can read the thoughts of animals (but only the negative ones) - send an "urgent" letter to your front office threatening the animosity of every chicken ever abused by KFC if the statue is accepted.

I guess 25 years ago fans celebrating the Hanshin Tigers championship win chucked a statue of Colonel Sanders into the river outside the stadium. The statue was recently pulled out and apparently offered to the Cubs to help them throw of the curse of a goat??

PETA's urgent letter asks the Cubs to not accept the statue and claims that - " if a monument to the ultimate symbol of cruelty to animals—KFC's Colonel Sanders—is accepted by the Cubs, it could unleash a curse whose wrath is too terrible to contemplate."

Frankly, I don't give a rats ass about the wrath of a billion chickens (I find them finicky with no attention to detail) or one measly goat but together who knows what carnage these two un-related species could wreak on Sweet Lou's carefully constructed Righty-Lefty lineup. Any Cub fan who has ever had a goat cheese omelette or had a breakfast gyro knows these two species teaming up are dynamite... We are doomed.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Reason 8 Why We'll Never Win
It took our wrinkle-wrapped manager half a coronary to get our third-highest-paid team in the majors to win 1 of their last 7 games.

Lou has maybe 10 more good outbursts in him before something gives out so we can't afford to waste these precious-few remaining jolts of Sweet Lou juice during the first half of spring training. I mean seriously - 5'8" Fontenot is leading the team in HRs.

C'mon guys! Save Sweet Lou. Find some motivation outside of an angry old man.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

HOFFpower misses chance

Reason 7 Why We'll Never Win
Micah Hoffpauir will be from now on known as HOFFpower! Here's why...

1. He's old, just like the real Hoff - David Hasselhoff - but is still a "rookie."

2. He is batting almost .500 in spring training so far and has waaay more power than DLEE.
3. I can't spell his real last name and its phonetic spelling is HOFFpower.

4. He has awful hair so any of Hoff's do's would be an upgrade (see pic)

Anyway - HOFFpower had a chance to tie the game against the Sox today in the late innings but flew out on the second pitch. The man is having an amazing spring so far and still went 1-2 but clutch hits are what managers remember when rosters are written.

Fontenot is KILLING the ball. Doubles, Triples, HRs - you name it. This kid is lights out. Paging Aaron Miles - your bench spot is here.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Milton Bradley Sets Cub Record!

Reason 6 Why We'll Never Win ...
Unfortunately the new Cub record was for Consecutive At-Bats by Milton Bradley Without An Injury. The previous record of one at-bat is now three at-bats.

Chad Gaudin didn't help his cause today though he has plenty more chances. He gave up three doubles and a homerun in his three-inning performance. Still a shot for Waddell yet!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Pitchers are looking too good too early

Reason 5 Why We'll Never Win
One week into Spring Training and we've already got the rotation set - save the 5th spot - and it looks really, really good. After his performance today, facing only 9 batters in 3 innings of work, LHP Sean Marshall made great strides and seriously made up for his last lackluster outing. Being as how he's a lefty AND younger AND been around, this has to put him ahead of newly acquired RHP Aaron Hielman for the rotation spot.

So what does that leave in the bullpen?
On paper - it looks like it still leaves a lot.
I want to see more of Hielman but so far he's looked great with only 1 hit and 4 Ks.

RHP Jff Smrdjzgd has looked the worst of the three potential 5th starters (3 BB and only 1 K!!) but he gets his second outing tomorrow. Potential closers RHP Carlos Marmol and RHP Kevin Gregg have only pitched 2 innings each but are looking good. Marmol has fewer hits and more Ks but gave up a run.

Who's been looking good and still up for the remaining 3 slots?
LHP Neal Cotts is one of the only lefties and has been cruising.
RHP Kevin Hart will have to pitch his way off the squad and so far he has stayed put.
RHP Chad Gaudin has struggled a little early but will have to lose his spot and hasn't yet. RHP Chad Fox has been solid but he's old as dirt and he's a righty. RHP Jeff Stevens has also been solid coming over in the DeRosa trade. He's my dark horse pick.
LHP Jason Waddell is the only other lefty so there's an outside chance if he can keep his walks down.
RHP Marcos Mateo has 2Ks and 0 hits in 2 innings but won't be making the leap.
RHP David Patton is throwing strikes but also isn't in the running.

Fukudome will be in CF against righties according to Sweet Lou.
Soriano, Ramirez and Jake Fox all homered. Fox's defense is hurting him though.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Our Backup Catchers Stink

Reason 4 Why We'll Never Win
If you count Lee, Soriano, Ramirez, Bradley, Soto, Theriot and Fukudome as already on the team, then that leaves probably 6 spots left. I ranked the rest of the guys at spring training so far on their batting/other and it's interesting to see that everyone doing well (besides Fontenot) are OF/1B. I guess that's what we need. Hopefully one of these 1B guys can play third!

Lilly pitched really well (finally a starter acting like it) and the bats came alive with Hoffpauir (2), Fuld (1) and even little Lord Fontenot (1) getting into the HR Act. Jake Fox continues to impress.


Thursday, February 26, 2009

New Cubs Edition "Operation"

Reason 3 Why We'll Never Win

Milton Bradley left the game today with tightness in his leg after earning a walk in his first at bat. Wow. I know we didn't expect 162 games out of the man but one at bat?

On the bright side, we beat the hapless Brewers. Their pitching looks even worse than it does on paper. Our young pick up Gathright got things going around the basepaths and 1B Jake Fox cracked a 3-run homer.

- Sean Marshall did not look too hot in his debut and loaded up the bases before getting out of the inning...
- Mike Stanton - who's like 40 years old is trying to make the Cubs roster but i don't see it happening. He got crushed when he served up his fastball to Rivera. Probably not much left on that bad boy...

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The Return of Wally Pipp

Reason 2: Why We'll Never Win

You'd think the one thing Cub fans could part with easily is the past. But the past seems to be the main factor in fielding the team year after year. I love my old Cubs but Hendry needs to let go. Take today for instance.

Derrek Lee was 0-1 with a walk. That's fine. It's the first game of the year and he laid off a close pitch to take that walk so i'm happy. His .291 and 20 HRs last year were fine too, but he's not the cornerstone of the franchise and he's not a power guy any more.

Now guess which perennial callup went yard with the bases juiced to win the game 5-3? Backup 1B Micah Hoffpauir. He did hit into a DP but whatever - DLEE nearly led the league in that category last year.

I'll take Hoffpauir's .342 in 73 ABs for the Cubs on top of a .362 Avg and 25 HRs! in only 71 AAA games.

I don't even want to talk about Dempster's 4 YEAR $52 MILLION!!! WHAT?!? At the time, that was double both the money or time of the next closest deal.

Maybe that DLEE jersey IS slimming on him, but unless Hendry stops loving the past, we won't like the future.

Szmzrdja was over-throwing in his 2 innings of work but got out of a bases-loaded jam with a nifty 1-2-3 double play. It's nice to have athletes on the field.

It was Ron Santo's Bday. Jim Hendry yelled up well-wishes along with a number of fans.